"What would you do if I came home and told you that I had a job offer in the UK?"
"Have you been applying for jobs in the UK?"
"Just...what would you do?"
"What about our apartment lease? And moving costs?"
"They would provide a large signing bonus that would take care of things like that."
"A signing bonus that would cover nearly a year of rent?"
"What about the cats? To take them overseas they need something like 6 months worth of tests and shots ahead of time, not to mention the kennel costs and quarantine on the other side."
"Taken care of."
"So every single expense would be taken care of?"
"I'm not fucking packing this place again."
"The movers would do that."
"But I have to finish unpacking first!"
"Fine. You've unpacked everything in a giant pile on the floor. Movers will repack it all."
"Okay. I would be fine with it."
"What if I told you that the job was working for the UK government?"
"And I couldn't talk about it."
"Like, you wouldn't talk about it or you couldn't?"
"You totally work for The Doctor now, don't you?"
"YOU ARE TAKING A JOB WORKING FOR THE DOCTOR DIVISION, AREN'T YOU??"
"I was thinking more MI5."
"You need to have some sort of special signal. Like...telling me you took a job with the Agricultural Department."
"But what if the job really is with that department??"
"It never is. Ever. No one works for that sort of department. It is all clandestine work for secret offices underneath pastures."
"I'm pretty sure government offices aren't in the middle of fields."
"Did you just wink at me?"
"YOU JUST WINKED AT ME!"
"But....I am incapable of winking."
"Did The Doctor teach you? Is that your secret signal? *lays finger on side of nose* I'm with you. Brain flu and all that."
"I'm not sure who is the real winner here. That you can't even reference Mad Cow Disease properly, or that I knew what the hell you were talking about."
"And yet, there are still boxes to be unpacked. And don't think I haven't noticed that the entire time you've been keeping me talking you have failed to put away the GIANT PILE OF CLOTHES RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU."
"My next wife is going to do this sort of thing for me."
"You better take that job with The Doctor division, what with needing to go back to the 1940's."
"I'd settle for someone who didn't talk back."
"Wouldn't we all?"