I demand another cake.

Apparently birthday wishes don't extend to hygiene and so I still have to shower today.

There is fuckery afoot.



"I just looked at the credit card statement online on my lunch break and... Why does it look like you spent $70 on soap?"

"Because I spent $70 on soap."

"On soap. The kind in bars."

"Yes. That kind of soap."


"Technically it was around $90, but I had some money already in my PayPal account."

"On soap."

"Yes. On soap."

"You can see where I might have a problem with this."

"If we're going to have this conversation, I'm about to bring in Exhibit Nerd. In which I point you to the charge JUST BELOW the one in question. I believe, sir, that you are looking at a charge of over $200 on graphic novels and comics."

"$70 seems pretty reasonable."

"I rest my case, your honour. My lathery moisture-locked case."

I feel obliged to note that I buy soap by the handmade batch and it can take years to get through a don't judge me. I shower.


Lost Girl.

"Why is that Coldplay guy in this tv show?"

"That's not the Coldplay guy."

"Damn. I have some zingers about his method acting."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, this is a show about a succubus...."

"For entertainment purposes, you may proceed."

"Oh....well, that was sort of all of them."


"I'm not the one who married an annoying shrew....and I totally just walked into that one."

"*smug silence*"


A great evil.

"This is it. I've been teetering on this precipice for decades and I never thought I'd cross this line. I've finally become one with my sociopathy and my inner rage. I will be hunted, I will be tortured, and I will eventually have to face justice for the evils I am about to unleash. And I'll probably write a book about it, and it will become a posthumous bestseller. Terrible acts on a scale never before conceived of. I am the love child of Hitler, Stalin, Idi Amin Dada, and countless others that I don't readily have the names of handy. There can be no redemption, and I am like Darth Vader without the fucking helmet coming off scene. All shall cower in fear of the coming genocide for (*raises arms in maniacal fit/surge of unimaginable powers of the universe*) I AM SHIVA, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS! THIS IS MY INSANE LAUGHTER. INSANE LAUGHTER! HAHA! HAHAHA! AHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"....I'm still not cleaning the toilet for you."

"This is bullshit."