"The cabbie taking me to the hotel tried to sell me on a happy ending massage parlour. I had lunch at Wolfgang Puck's restaurant. Spent the afternoon taking photos at Mandalay. Dinner at Batali's. Just got out of the Penn & Teller show. Solid first day."
"Yeah....well....you aren't our children's real father. So there's THAT."
Update: No. I am not pregnant. No. I did not steal a child. The police department should be ecstatic that the network of spies that they have trained on my vagina are on top of it. Not on top of my vagina because I don't have the proper permits for that sort of gathering. On top of my status as a parent. Which I clarify only because the number of smartasses I know that read this are numerous and I WILL NOT LET YOU HAVE THE LAST WORD.