Apparently birthday wishes don't extend to hygiene and so I still have to shower today.
There is fuckery afoot.
Tuesday
Obviously.
"I just looked at the credit card statement online on my lunch break and... Why does it look like you spent $70 on soap?"
"Because I spent $70 on soap."
"On soap. The kind in bars."
"Yes. That kind of soap."
"$70."
"Technically it was around $90, but I had some money already in my PayPal account."
"On soap."
"Yes. On soap."
"You can see where I might have a problem with this."
"If we're going to have this conversation, I'm about to bring in Exhibit Nerd. In which I point you to the charge JUST BELOW the one in question. I believe, sir, that you are looking at a charge of over $200 on graphic novels and comics."
"$70 seems pretty reasonable."
"I rest my case, your honour. My lathery moisture-locked case."
I feel obliged to note that I buy soap by the handmade batch and it can take years to get through a stash....so don't judge me. I shower.
"Because I spent $70 on soap."
"On soap. The kind in bars."
"Yes. That kind of soap."
"$70."
"Technically it was around $90, but I had some money already in my PayPal account."
"On soap."
"Yes. On soap."
"You can see where I might have a problem with this."
"If we're going to have this conversation, I'm about to bring in Exhibit Nerd. In which I point you to the charge JUST BELOW the one in question. I believe, sir, that you are looking at a charge of over $200 on graphic novels and comics."
"$70 seems pretty reasonable."
"I rest my case, your honour. My lathery moisture-locked case."
I feel obliged to note that I buy soap by the handmade batch and it can take years to get through a stash....so don't judge me. I shower.
Wednesday
Lost Girl.
"Why is that Coldplay guy in this tv show?"
"That's not the Coldplay guy."
"Damn. I have some zingers about his method acting."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, this is a show about a succubus...."
"For entertainment purposes, you may proceed."
"Oh....well, that was sort of all of them."
"Disappointing."
"I'm not the one who married an annoying shrew....and I totally just walked into that one."
"*smug silence*"
"That's not the Coldplay guy."
"Damn. I have some zingers about his method acting."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, this is a show about a succubus...."
"For entertainment purposes, you may proceed."
"Oh....well, that was sort of all of them."
"Disappointing."
"I'm not the one who married an annoying shrew....and I totally just walked into that one."
"*smug silence*"
Monday
A great evil.
"This is it. I've been teetering on this precipice for decades and I never thought I'd cross this line. I've finally become one with my sociopathy and my inner rage. I will be hunted, I will be tortured, and I will eventually have to face justice for the evils I am about to unleash. And I'll probably write a book about it, and it will become a posthumous bestseller. Terrible acts on a scale never before conceived of. I am the love child of Hitler, Stalin, Idi Amin Dada, and countless others that I don't readily have the names of handy. There can be no redemption, and I am like Darth Vader without the fucking helmet coming off scene. All shall cower in fear of the coming genocide for (*raises arms in maniacal fit/surge of unimaginable powers of the universe*) I AM SHIVA, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS! THIS IS MY INSANE LAUGHTER. INSANE LAUGHTER! HAHA! HAHAHA! AHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"....I'm still not cleaning the toilet for you."
"This is bullshit."
"....I'm still not cleaning the toilet for you."
"This is bullshit."
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