No Pants 2011. Day Two. Ish.

Note: Alison, do not try this at home.

"Hey, remember that song? We were in the car and it came on and I was all "This is the shittiest song I have ever heard and what the hell is it about anyway?" and you were like "This is a song about anal" and then we laughed for about five minutes solid while picturing the effort that had to go into writing a rock ballad about anal sex that actually makes it onto regular play at popular top 40 stations across North America and then we were like "Well damn, let's write a song about circle jerks because we'll definitely go platinum" and then we decided that the world had already moved past circle jerking on the radio because that is how come Nickelback gets to keep making albums and then we decided that we were going to write a song about nasophilia but then I was like "Is it too meta if we call it On The Nose?" and then we argued about what meta actually means and then you changed the station and the damn song was PLAYING ON THE OTHER STATION and we were like "This is fucking fate" and then you kept adding "about anal" to the end of each lyric? WHAT IS THE NAME OF THAT SONG? The song about anal. Do you remember?"

"*laughter blasting out of the mobile phone*"

"Hello? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OVER THERE?"

"That is the sound of a whole table of people hearing every word you said. Including John Salley."

"The NBA player? I'm pretty sure NBA players know what anal is and, wait, who the fuck are you that you are hanging out with basketball players? I mean, Carrot Top? Yes. I can see you randomly hanging out with Carrot Top. But John Salley? Not a chance. I am dreaming. Or you're dreaming. One of us is dreaming and since Matthew McFadyen isn't here, it's probably your dream and I'm getting the shaft."

"Pretty sure everyone can still hear you."

"I am hanging up right now."