What movie?

"Want to watch a movie together when I get home?"

"Which movie would that be, B?"

"The one I downloaded yesterday."

"Which one was that again?"

"THE movie."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"....seventeenagain."

"What the hell did you just say? The jackhammers are going."

"SeventeenAgain."

"Huh?"

"SEVENTEEN AGAIN!!! (loud laughter from people in his office) ....I hate you."

Then he hung up on me.

Trophies.

The driving route to our favourite asian grocer is full of gems. Like the home that would put the greek house in My Big Fat Greek Wedding to shame. The pie shop (which I'm just noting because it has GREAT pie and I dig pie). The chain hotel with the windows that are covered over by mattresses. You know, fun stuff. But the trophy store always catches my eye. And not because I'm attracted to shiny things. I mean, I am. I also have a plan.

"B, we should totally go in and buy you one. Like a giant 6 foot tall one and have it engraved with something like "Indianapolis 500 Champion", and then when people dispute its origins you can be all 'Uh, its not like you can just go somewhere and get them made'."

"But you can."

"But no one would believe you'd pay hundreds of dollars for a mediocre replica. You would have logic on your side!"

"I don't see the point in the elaborate ruse."

"You have no vision. Imagine the awe of bringing your boss home to see your engraved silver Wimbledon platter and no real way for him to call you out on it without questioning your entire moral code, thereby making HIM the asshole."

"*silence*"

"You're welcome."

Reavers.

Picture this. Really early morning, dawn was just breaking, and we are driving toward an eerie fog.

"B, the only acceptable reason for you to kill me is Reavers."

"WHAT??!!"

"If we ever come across weird looking fog again, you should turn around and drive away."

"...what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Like in that movie, The Fog? Where the giant ass bugs are in the fog and he kills the people to "save" them? Then it turns out that they would have been fine? Fuck that. I won't be a statistic, asshole. The only acceptable reason for you to kill me is if Reavers have got me, and even then you will need two independent sources to confirm. Just in case."

"I will do my due diligence."

"As long as we are clear. Reavers, yes. Everything else, no."

"I can't fucking believe we are having this conversation."

"Just wait until I update my will."

Nightmares

The other morning I woke up from a horrible nightmare. I won't get into the specifics, but the dream was moving along rather nicely (and it was quite pleasant). It took a horrifying turn when I suddenly had to deal with an overflowing toilet that just kept bubbling over.

I woke up soon after and relayed the strange dream to B. He didn't even look at me when he said "Oh yeah, I farted near you right before you got up".

Dante's Inferno

"I just want you to know that if I ever go away on a religious crusade, am unfaithful to you while gone, you get dragged to hell to become Lucifers bride, and I am tasked to absolve my sins by a dubiously accredited bishop by performing heinous tasks, I'm sorry. Also...I'm not going to hell to get you, Angel."

"I'm in another castle anyway, fucker."